Shameless Cutting & pasting from other sites

This doesn't technically count as an entry but too funny not to pass along: From Prostuff.com

Inside Scoop:

Mike Jones

When Mike Jones sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Mike Jones has not had to pay taxes ever.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Mike Jones smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

Mike Jones sleeps with a night light. Not because Mike Jones is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Mike Jones.

Mike Jones ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Mike Jones can touch MC Hammer.

A blind man once stepped on Mike Jones shoe. Mike replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Mike Jones!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Mike Jones.

Mike Jones has a word for a person he puts into a coma; that word is "lucky".

As a teen Mike Jones impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscon. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history. Mike Jones once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

Mike Jones is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Mike Jones.

Mike Jones appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Jones replied, "That's no glitch."

Achilles was supposedly the greatest warrior of all time, but he died because of his weak spot, the Achilles tendon. There is no Mike Jones tendon.

Oxygen requires Mike Jones to live.

If Mike Jones is late, time better slow the f down.

Mike Jones died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Mike Jones and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

At birth, Mike Jones came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Mike Jones but Mike Jones.

Mike Jones doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Mike Jones frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.